


Faking It

by ThatFilmGraduate



Series: A PostSecret Collection [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A PostSecret Collection, Conversations, Established Relationship, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, F/M, M/M, Past Remus Lupin/Emmeline Vance, Post-Break Up, PostSecret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24373756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatFilmGraduate/pseuds/ThatFilmGraduate
Summary: 'He was never that into me, but I let him fake it for over a year!'Emmeline Vance has been in love with Remus Lupin for years. The fact that they broke up months ago, and he has since moved on, has not changed her feelings. But Remus is with the one person she hates above all others: Sirius Black. Scared Remus will get hurt, she decides to have a word with her enemy.Past Remus/Emmeline, Remus/Sirius.
Relationships: Past Remus Lupin/Emmeline Vance - Relationship, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: A PostSecret Collection [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613362
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35





	Faking It

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these HP characters or settings. 
> 
> Written: January 2017  
> Rewritten: March 2020 & May 2020

**He was never that into me, but I let him fake it for over a year!**

Emmeline Vance, Ravenclaw Head Girl and Seeker, wandered around the Great Lake, her forest green eyes following the escapades of those gliding around on the ice; more specifically, she watched as the only person she had ever loved skated along the frozen ground with the only person he had ever loved.

As she meandered along the sleet-covered walkway, her attention was focused solely on her ex-boyfriend: Remus Lupin, a Gryffindor of the same year. It wasn't uncommon for her to observe the other student. In fact, as she walked, she realised that her eyes had always sought him out. It didn't matter where she was or what she was doing, she found herself constantly hunting for him.

It had always been like that, ever since they first met on the Hogwarts Express back in their first year. Back then, Remus had been shy and socially awkward but also kind and intelligent, and they had made quick friends on their journey to the castle.

Despite being placed in separate Houses, their friendship hadn't suffered. They hung out often, usually in the Library, studying or reading or quizzing each other, but sometimes they sat in the courtyard and talked. It wasn't long before Emmeline developed a crush on her friend, but it wasn't until their fifth year that she did anything about it.

They had both been made Prefects in their fifth year and, as a result of this, they began spending more time together. The more she was around Remus, the more she understood how considerate he was and the more her infatuation with him grew, and by December of 1975, she couldn't deny it any longer: she had fallen in love with him.

Emmeline had resolved to keep her feelings to herself in the name of self-preservation, but things don't always go according to plan and their relationship changed quite abruptly in the March of 1976.

Remus had fallen out with one of his best friends, Sirius Black, in the February of 1976 and no one – including her – knew why. It seemed that only those on the inside (meaning the Marauders) knew why and they were all keeping tight-lipped. Remus hadn't wanted to discuss it and Emmeline, being the good and respectful friend that she was, had decided not to pry.

Thanks to the rift between Remus and his friends, he and Emmeline spent a lot more time together. They ate together at mealtimes and they partnered with each other in classes. They spent most evenings in the Library together and they spent every Hogsmeade weekend with one another. Those few weeks when Black was not around were brilliant.

Before the rift, Black was nearly always hanging around Remus and Emmeline rarely got to spend time with her Gryffindor friend alone unless they were studying or in class or on Prefect rounds. But without Black around, she had Remus all to herself. During that time, her love for the other student only grew until it became so overpowering to the point where she couldn't keep it a secret anymore and in March, she had decided to let her feelings out and she had kissed him when he was talking her through an Arithmancy equation.

It had been somewhat of a surprise to both of them that she had made the first move. Emmeline had thought that Remus, being a Gryffindor and therefore known for bravery, would be the one to make the first move. But he was oblivious at the best of times and quite bashful when it came to the subject of romance, so she had let herself be impulsive and it had worked out well.

Everything was perfect.

She and Remus became an official couple, and she fell harder than she had ever thought possible. Remus was just as she had expected: respectful, caring, attentive – the perfect gentleman, really. Her friends, who could be judgemental at the best of times, had even approved of him. There was only really one problem:

Sirius Black.

By the end of April, Remus and Black had made up and became friends again – though their friendship seemed strained, and Black seemed intent on being around Remus every second of every day. Because Black was a near constant presence around them, Emmeline had tried her best to befriend him, but he seemed to loathe her. Every time she walked into a room, he always seemed to go quiet or find a reason to leave. He rolled his eyes when she gave an opinion and he shot her disdainful looks whenever possible. He even tried to persuade Remus to ditch her and go elsewhere sometimes.

He was a nightmare.

Emmeline had brought it up with her boyfriend once, but Remus had denied there was an issue. She decided that he either didn't notice it (he could be quite blind when it came to his friends, after all) or he didn't know why Black disliked her either.

She knew that Black didn't like her – it was glaringly obvious – and she reckoned she knew why but she tried to be his friend anyway (because he was one of Remus's best friends and that was what good girlfriends did). She was always nice to him and she often tried to engage him in conversation but he seemed determined to despise her.

It took about three weeks of Black ignoring her and shooting her judgemental looks before she gave up. She was civil with him in public but that was as far as their relationship went. She stopped caring about why he didn't like her because, truth be told, she wasn't too fond of him herself. He was arrogant and selfish and mean, and he was a bully who used his friends.

Emmeline didn't know why her boyfriend liked him to be honest, but she knew better than to bring it up. Remus was very protective of his friends, after all. Besides, she didn't need Black's approval. She was Remus's girlfriend and she had his attention and that was more than enough. Black was a minor issue – one that she could easily overlook.

Emmeline and Remus were together for just over a year and everything was brilliant. Well, it was going brilliantly until April of their sixth year when their relationship had ended quite abruptly. With its demise went their friendship, and it was all because of Sirius Black.

It had started with small things at first; with little disagreements about friends and missed Hogsmeade weekends, with study dates that had been pushed back for the third time that week, with forgotten anniversaries because Remus was always distracted. They bickered and then they apologised, and all was good again.

As they moved into their sixth year and closer towards the end of their relationship, however, their disagreements turned into arguments – most of which were more serious in nature and usually centred around Sirius Black and how much time Remus was spending with him and how Remus refused to see that Black disliked her.

Emmeline had raised her concerns about Black numerous times, but Remus refused to hear it, always making excuses for his friend, always playing it off as paranoia, always taking Black's side when she presented irrefutable facts. It annoyed her to no end and she resented Black because she knew that he hated her. He always had – even before she and Remus became a couple.

Sirius Black was the real reason behind their arguments, and he was why their relationship fell apart.

Emmeline was not a fool. Soon after she had stopped trying to befriend Black, she had discovered his secret and the reason behind his hostility towards her: he was jealous because he was secretly in love with her boyfriend. She hadn't worried about it too much in the beginning because Remus was with her. But then Remus began defending Black more and more, and she began to feel threatened. Black was always making snide comments and undermining her in front of everyone, but Remus just gave half-hearted warnings. And in the April of 1977, she had reached her breaking point and she had snapped.

Emmeline had been sitting out by the Great Lake with Remus and his friends when it had happened.

Black had been taunting her – laughing and joking and getting a little too close to Remus for her liking – and her patience had finally worn thin. Black had been whispering in **her** boyfriend's ear, making **her** boyfriend laugh, putting his arm around **her** boyfriend's shoulders – and she had just cracked. She had accused him of being in love with her boyfriend and of deliberately trying to destroy their relationship.

(Though, could it really be an accusation if it was true?)

Remus had tried to calm her down, but he had done the exact opposite when he had **told** her to calm down and had said that she was overreacting. In her blind panic, she had asked him why he never sided with her and then she had made the biggest mistake of her life: she had accused Remus of being in love with Black too.

Remus had been shocked and had quickly dragged her away to a more secluded area near the Docks. Away from his friends, he had told her that she was being paranoid. Even more enraged by this, she had made the second biggest mistake of her life: she had accused Remus of shagging Black behind her back. She had regretted it the second she saw the look on Remus's face.

Remus Lupin was a Gryffindor and therefore honourable, and to accuse him of such a thing was an insult of the highest order. Emmeline didn't know why she had said it. It was untrue and she had no evidence and she knew that Remus would never do anything like that. He just wasn't that type of person. But she had said it and Remus had been so angry that he had called her a 'jealous psycho' and ended it there and then.

It had been nine months and four days since their break-up and although time heals all wounds, she was still deeply in love and extremely upset by what had happened. She hadn't wanted it to end. She had imagined her life with Remus, with kids and a house and two cats: the perfect life with the perfect man. But she had messed up and he had moved on – and with the worst possible person.

Emmeline had found out a few weeks ago, just before the winter break. Rumours had spread through Hogwarts like wildfire that Remus Lupin and Sirius Black were the new Hot Couple after Anya Jennings, a fourth year Hufflepuff, had supposedly caught them snogging behind Greenhouse Three. She hadn't wanted to believe it at first and she had almost convinced herself that it was just a rumour since neither Remus nor Black had confirmed it, but then she saw the pair walk into the Hall on Christmas Eve, hand in hand, and she couldn't deny it.

Truth be told, she had mixed feelings about it. She still cared deeply for Remus and she wanted him to be happy, but... why did it have to be with Sirius Black?

Remus could do so much better. He was kind and considerate, whereas Black was cruel and egotistical, and she knew that her Gryffindor was going to get his heart broken. She just knew it. Remus didn't deserve that. He may have broken her heart but that did not mean that he deserved the same pain.

A low chuckle brought Emmeline's attention back to the present and her eyes focused on Remus once again. She watched as the Gryffindors moved off the ice and began making their way back to the castle, laughing and joking along the way. She watched as Black grabbed Remus's hand and pressed a kiss to his cheek, and she decided in that moment that she needed to have a conversation with the fallen heir to the House of Black. She needed to know if he was going to hurt Remus. She still loved her Gryffindor and she needed to know if he was going to be safe or not.

With that in mind, Emmeline began making her own way back up to the castle, planning her next move and waiting for the right moment where she could get Sirius Black alone.

* * *

It turned out that 'the right moment' was over a month later.

Emmeline had tried to get Black on his own, but it was almost impossible when he spent every moment with Remus or the Marauders or Lily Evans. But after four weeks of research (or stalking, as her friends called it), she had discovered that Black often went to the Library alone on Wednesday evenings to study.

And so, one Wednesday evening in February, the Ravenclaw found herself in the Library, hiding behind the bookstacks and waiting for her moment to strike.

So far, Emmeline had spent two hours just watching and waiting and trying to decide whether she should interrupt Black's studying or not. In the end, her decision was made for her because, before she knew it, the Library was closing and Black was leaving. She quickly packed up her things and followed him out, only speaking up when they were nearing Gryffindor Tower and she knew she'd lose her chance for another week.

"Black," she called, her voice echoing down the empty hallway.

Black spun around faster than she could blink, his face guarded and his eyes intense, his wand in the air and pointed at her; everything about him suggested that he was preparing for a fight. Maybe he was. Emmeline was not surprised by the quick response. Black was, after all, one of the most prolific duellers in Hogwarts. He stared at her for a long moment, as if trying to decide whether she was a threat or not, before he lowered his weapon.

"Vance," he replied with a curt nod.

Emmeline squared her shoulders and tilted her chin upwards, determined to show that she would not be intimidated by him like everyone else was, before she stated, "I need to speak with you. It's important."

Black regarded her for a short moment before he nodded, "Alright."

Emmeline watched as Black swaggered towards her, shoving his wand into his pocket as he did so. She stared until he came to a stop, about a metre away from her. They stood at nearly the same height, but Black had a way about him that made him seem bigger. His presence and general aura emitted power and strength, intimidating to most but Emmeline would not be bullied and she stood defiant.

"Go on, then," Black urged, his grey eyes watching her carefully.

Emmeline cleared her throat lightly before she stated, "It's about Remus."

"What about him?" he asked coolly, his eyes narrowing warily. "You are aware that you two aren't together anymore, right?"

"Yes, I am aware of that," she replied icily. "But I still care for him, and I don't know that you do. I just want to make sure that you know what you're doing with him, and that you won't hurt him."

Black studied her for a minute, his jaw clenching so hard that a muscle jumped. He was trying to keep his cool – something that he was infamous for losing. His whole exterior – from the way he stood to the look of pure disdain in his eyes – made Emmeline want to fidget, but she didn't. She kept herself steady and composed, her chin still titled upwards. She would not let him affect her. And if her hands shook, well, no one would know with them wrapped around her bag strap.

"Vance, you and Remus are no longer an item," he repeated, his voice controlled. "Who he dates has nothing to do with you."

"It has everything to do with me," she retorted. "I actually love him, and I don't want him to get hurt." She huffed and shifted her bag on her shoulder. "Look, I know, okay? I know that he was never that into me, but I let him fake it for over a year! Because I love him. And just because we are no longer together, that doesn't mean that I don't still care deeply for him. Those feelings don't just go away because we broke up and he started shagging you!"

Emmeline sighed and closed her eyes, taking a second to fight back the angry tears that Black had created. She knew that if it hadn't been for Sirius Black, she and Remus would still be together. If Black hadn't been there, stealing Remus's attention, poisoning Remus's mind, infecting Remus's life, then the Gryffindor would still be hers and they would be planning their future after Hogwarts together. But they were not together, and she was not planning her future with him.

That realisation alone was enough to make her want to breakdown and scream until her voice was gone. Instead, she took a couple of deep breaths and tried to calm herself down.

"Black," she said, opening her eyes again to find the fallen heir looking as agitated as she felt. "I don't want you to hurt Remus, and I know that you will."

Black growled and took an angry step backwards, running a frustrated hand through his dark hair. "Why does everyone think that I'm going to hurt him?" he asked, seemingly to himself.

For a second, Emmeline was speechless because she didn't understand why Black would ask such a question. It was obvious, wasn't it? He was a descendent of the House of Black and that family only cared about two things: wealth and power. She had met plenty of Blacks during her time at Hogwarts and they were all in it for themselves. They fell in lust, and they could have respect or admiration for others, but they did not fall in love. And Sirius Black may have been placed in Gryffindor House but that did not mean that he was any different to those he shared genetics with; that didn't mean he wasn't a snake at heart.

"You're a Black," she stated, unable to hold back the venom in her voice. "People think you are going to hurt Remus because your blood runs Black and everyone knows that Blacks do not fall in love. And you... You destroy everything you touch – and I refuse to watch as you destroy Remus. He is good and he is kind, and he doesn't deserve whatever havoc you're going to bring on him."

Black stared at her for a long moment, his eyes intense and fixed on her. He looked angry – but also a bit hurt by her words. There was something else written on his face, something like fear, something that made him seem almost human, a vulnerability of sorts, but Emmeline wasn't brilliant at reading him. She hadn't spent much time with him, after all. It was disconcerting how still he was, how focused on her he was, but she stood her ground and waited for him to break the uncomfortable silence, her fingers playing with her bag strap nervously.

"Listen here, Vance," he began, voice low and raw. "I don't have to defend myself to you, but I would never hurt Remus. I love him. More than anything and anyone. I would do anything for him. I would burn cities down before I let any harm come to him."

"Really?" she replied sceptically.

"Really," he confirmed. "And you don't know me as well as you think you do, Vance, because I am not a Black. I was cast out years ago." He sighed and looked away. "Look, I know what people think of me. I know that people still think I'm like them and that I don't really care for Remus, but I do. And he knows it. He knows me. I don't need to prove that to you or anyone else because only his opinion matters in the end."

Black ran a hand through his hair and turned to face her again. For the briefest of seconds, Emmeline understood the appeal for most of the female population in Hogwarts. Sirius Black was handsome and dangerous. But he had no effect on her.

"You're right, Vance," he continued. "Remus is good, and he is kind, and he doesn't deserve to be hurt. But I have no intentions of hurting him. He deserves the world... but he chose me. And I am trying my best not to fuck this up. He believes in me, so I don't need you to. But if you really need me to say it, then I will: I am not going to hurt Remus. I will do everything I can to avoid that."

Emmeline stood in the aftermath of Black's words, taking a second to absorb them and trying to decide whether she believed him or not. In the end, she decided that she needed some more time to decide.

"You had better not ruin him, Black," she warned. "Or else you'll have me to deal with."

With that, she turned and headed back to the Ravenclaw Tower to think over every detail of their conversation; to go over every word and accompanying facial expression; to decide whether he was telling the truth or whether she still had reason to be worried.

* * *

One week later and Emmeline was in the Arithmancy classroom, sitting in both the best and the worst seat in the room: the best because it was in perfect view of the chalkboard and it was also close to the exit, and the worst because she had a full view of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.

Emmeline sighed and watched the couple in front of her as they laughed and joked around. She didn't know what they were giggling about but it was clearly hilarious, if the snort Remus let out was any indication. As she observed them, it struck her that she had only ever seen Remus that happy when he was around Black.

If she was being truly honest with herself, she had always known that she was second best when compared with Sirius Black. She had always known that there was something more between the two Gryffindors; something that surpassed friendship. They were always so affectionate with each other and Remus always seemed happier when he was around his friends. She had just been so in love that she had refused to see what was clearly there.

The Ravenclaw had been thinking a lot in the past week. She had thought about her conversation with Black, and about her relationship with Remus, and she had come to two conclusions:

The first was that her year of romance with Remus was not 100% fake. She believed that Remus really had fancied her – in the beginning, at least. He wouldn't have spent a year kissing her or spending time with her if he hadn't enjoyed her company or held an attraction for her. But she was not the one he really wanted in the end. It had always been Black, and she had always known it. She had just wanted him so much that she had refused to acknowledge it.

She acknowledged it now.

The second conclusion she came to after days of thinking was that Sirius Black was not going to hurt Remus. She had watched them (for longer than the past few days, to be honest) and she had realised that Black really did care for Remus. Black was cruel and malicious, but he was different around Remus and she decided that maybe Remus was safe in his hands.

Despite all of it, Emmeline still loved the Gryffindor and she couldn't deny that Black felt something for him too. As she watched the pair, sitting side by side, laughing and leaning into each other, she couldn't lie to herself anymore: Black loved Remus, and Remus loved Black. Remus may have felt something for her at some point, but it was nothing compared to how he seemed to feel about Black now, the way he looked at him and smiled at him.

And while those revelations hurt beyond words, Emmeline found that she was glad of the pain because it reminded her that she was human. She was glad that Remus was happy and she knew that it was time for her to move on. Remus Lupin would always be her first love but he would not be her last. And she knew that she could be happy too, some day.

After their conversation, Emmeline felt safe in the knowledge that perhaps Remus Lupin, the only man to have ever held her heart (so far), was safe with Sirius Black.


End file.
